Just before I flew home from Australia I sent in a few rolls of film to the lab to be developed. I didn’t keep the tracking receipt and after weeks of waiting, and a sad email chain with a photo company that had no idea who I was or what photos I was talking about. I had to accept that they were lost forever. After Covid kept us apart for 3 years I was really disappointed to lose so many photos of my family. Especially of my Nanna, who morbidly reminds me every chance she gets that she is “ready to go” whenever. Please tell me I’m not the only one with a grandparent like this?

Months later, completely out of the blue, someone contacted my brother to say that the film had been found! As any good brother would do, he texted “help me” (and nothing else) to let me know the good news. I, completely rationally, assumed he was being attacked or murdered.

So here is my dysfunctional family and a few of the lost photos. Each sunny day my Nan, brother and I would spend the day at the lake. We’d lay in the sun, read, swim, argue a little and then take the paddle board out onto the water to cool off. In the evening we’d light a fire, cook our dinner on the coals and wait for the sun to set before doing it all over again.

I miss my family. Everything seems so fragile and I’ve been experiencing a lot of fear for the future. I feel guilty about existing and taking up space when so many people are suffering. I feel powerless, like I’m watching a horror story unfold with nothing I can do to stop it.

But I must remember that the system is designed to make me think in this way. Change is too hard, too big, beyond possibility for any one individual. But if we stand together, we can become an unstoppable force.